Lost and Found
by Intangible Lollipop
Summary: A few months after Willow and Tara break up, Willow fights a losing battle with depression. Very angsty, but a happy ending. Sonfic to Puddle of Mudd's 'Blurry'.REWRITTEN.


**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. But you probably already knew that. Here's a poem that explains it really good.

_The stuff right here,  
It isn't mine.  
You wanna sue me?  
Go ahead, fine.  
I have two dollars,  
And I'm not getting paid,  
For writing this fiction,  
End scene :and fade:_

**WARNING:** Erm… nothing much… cussing, and fem-slash, (DUH! Willow and Tara, Hello!) And very bad depression.

**THANK YOU:** Thanks to my muses.

**RATING:** R- cause of depression and cussing.

**TIME:** About a couple of months after Willow and Tara broke up 

Also... before Tara got shot... but this isn't a Necro fic people! (Ew...)

**POV:** Willow

**SUMMARY: **A few months after Willow and Tara break up, Willow fights a losing battle with depression. My first angsty fic. It's a songfic, by the way. Don't worry there's a happy ending.

**A/N:** All right people, I really want you to review. This is my first _ever _angst fiction, and my first ever _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ fiction. Wow… I am so proud of me…

**SONG: **Song "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd

**Lost and Found**

**A songfic**

**by Intangible Lollipop**

_**Everything's so blurry,  
And everyone's so fake  
And everybody's empty  
And everything is so messed up  
Preoccupied without you  
I cannot live at all  
My whole world surrounds you  
I stumble then I crawl**_

It had been nearly four months since you left. I'm not doing too well I'm afraid. I felt pain and torment, all emotions that come with being dumped, only a thousand times worse.

I've grown to live without magick. But I still can't get used to the fact that you're not waking up beside me every morning. I can never get used to it. I gave up magick, isn't that what you wanted?

I would give up food, clothing, my friends and family if you asked me to. I would give up my life. But you would never ask me to. You wouldn't want me. No, you're to good for me. And I understand. I deserve this… this torture of not being able to be with you in the way I want.

I want to hold you and kiss you, just _be_ with you.…

But never again can I do that.

_**  
You could be my someone  
You could be my scene  
You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene.  
I wonder what you're doing  
Imagine where you are  
There's oceans in-between us  
But that's not very far**_

But can't you see? We were made for each other! We are soul mates! Or am I the only one who can see that? I still love you Tara, and I need you.

I know you better then anyone, you know me better even then Xander, and do you know how long we've friends? We know each other inside and out...

Remember Glory? That heinous bitch who tried to take you away from me? You were lost. But I found you. I've said it before and I'll say it again.

'I will always find you.'

_**  
Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
When you shoved it in my face  
Explain it again to me  
Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
When you shoved it in my face**_

You scare me. You say _I'm_ the one messing with dark magicks? You think that it's _me_ who's so powerful that I can end up hurting someone? Please, that's you. You can control my emotions like nothing else. But I don't care. I would die for you without a second thought.

Because I belong to you sweetie, I always will. Even if you hurt me a thousand times, make me die a thousand deaths I'll keep coming back for more, like an ignorant puppy dog, because I'm just that stupid. Just that naïve.

Just that in love.

_**  
Everyone is changing  
There's no one left that's real  
So make up your own ending  
And let me know just how you feel  
Cause I am lost without you  
I cannot live at all  
My whole world surrounds you  
I stumble then I crawl**_

I feel so empty, like a shell. A hollow shell, and I feel like everyone around me is changing along with me.

Buffy, isn't she depressed? She was in heaven, after all…

Xander left Anya at the altar, so I know they must be awefully shitty too.

Dawn is also becoming more and more sad, so afraid we don't love her.

And Spike has lost his favorite plaything.

I know it sounds selfish, but none of that can compare to the pain I felt loosing you. Nothing on earth can compare to it.

I found you when you were lost, when you were taken from me. Why won't you come and find me?

_Please?_

_**  
And you could be my someone  
You could be my scene  
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean  
I wonder what you're doing  
I wonder where you are  
There's oceans in-between us  
But that's not very far**_

I need you. But you despise me. Well, maybe despise is to strong of a word, but you might as well, I'd rather have you hate me so I didn't have to see you flirting with other girls, so I didn't have to listen to you telling me how your love life is.

Being friends is OK, I suppose, but never again can I run my fingers through your hair, never can I call you stupid pet names and have you be annoyed at me, never again can I say "I love you" straight to your face.

Never

_**  
Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
When you shoved it in my face  
This thing you did to me  
Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
When you shoved it in my face  
Explain it again to me**_

It's over. I'm no longer important.

No longer am I powerful Wicca I once was.

No longer do I have a love that loves me back.

No longer do I have a meaning in my life.

And no longer can I keep on living.

_**  
Nobody told me what you thought  
Nobody told me what to say  
Everyone showed you where to turn  
Told you when to run away  
Nobody told you where to hide  
Nobody told you what to sat  
Everyone showed you where to turn  
Showed you when to run away**_

_-Part II - _

I tried to kill myself tonight. You remember of course. I left you the note, professing my undying love to you, telling you I meant nothing, telling you to but lilies for my grave.

I was in the bathroom, about to bring the knife to my flesh. I was almost free.

Almost…

But then you were there, Tara. You burst through that door like it was nothing but paper. At first I was angry that you had come to stop me… And I was so close to freedom too…

"Willow, no, don't!" You cried.

"Why?" I asked, "Because you care?"

"Yes, now put the fucking knife down!" I was startled; I had never heard you swear so vividly before. I dropped the knife.

See, Tara, I'm your faithful pet. I obey your every command of my own will. Or maybe this is a spell of your own. Or maybe I'm just weak. It's most likely the latter.

"Why did you come?" I asked shakily.

"Because I needed to stop you." You said simply.

"I have nothing to live for." I pleadingly said.

Perhaps I saw you as so bitter you would then say, 'Oh really? Carry on then, and best of luck to you.' But instead you say something that has saved me time and time again, and now is no exception.

You say, "Yes you do. You have me. I love you Willow."

The words flow through my head like white water rapids.

_**Can you take it all away?  
When you shoved it in my face  
This thing you did to me  
Can you take it all away?  
Can you take it all away?  
When you shoved it in my face  
Explain it again to me**_

"Do you m-mean it?" I manage to stutter out, even though I know you do. You have never been that good at lying. "You're not just saying this to try and stop me?"

"Of course not!" You say sharply, "How could you even question that? I never stopped loving you! Don't you feel the same way?"

I burst into tears, explaining all I had went through for the past three months. When I look up again, you look startled…And shameful.

You say quietly, "I had no idea, how stupid, how NIAVE was I not to notice!" By the end of the sentence you were practically yelling. It was a lucky thing the gang was all out patrolling tonight, or you may have woken them up.

I shook my head; "You weren't stupid or naive. You were in love. Just like me."

You smile. You are beautiful when you smile, you know that?

_**  
No…**_

_**Explain it again to me…**_

_**Explain it again to me…**_

We curl up together in my bed, and I am happy for the first time in months. But something was nagging in the back of my mind…

"Tara?" I spoke softly, in case you were asleep.

"Mmm … yes?" you answer.

"It's just… how did you know where to find me?" I ask timidly.

"Are you kidding me? I will _always_ find you."

And with your response drifting through my head like a comforting lullaby, I drift off into the most peaceful sleep I have ever had.

With the knowledge that when I wake, you will be right beside me.

Forever.

_**Can you take it all away?  
Explain it again to me  
Explain it again to me  
Explain it again to me  
Can you take it all away?  
Explain it again to me…**_

El fin!

**Ending notes**- Like I said before, this is my first Buffy fic, and also my first angsty fic; so reviews are appreciated to tell me what I did wrong, and what I did well. There _will_ be more willow and Tara stories, though not necessarily angsty (cause I usually write comedy.) because Willow and Tara are the most kick-ass couple _ever_! I was soooo sad when the called it quits, so I might do more stories getting them back together. So… my first Buffy! My first angst! Tell me what you think.

I hope you liked the ending… I wasn't about to kill off Willow! Really, who do you take me for? Willow's my favorite character.

**Additional Authors notes: (see my profile for details)  
**

**Rewrite occurance: May, 2005  
Original Date of publication: March, 2002  
**

**I didn't change much, just a few grammar errors and spacing problems here and there... overall this was one of my better original fics... and I intentionally kept the past/present tense changes, just because I felt it added more to the story then it did detract.**

** Also, it was a bit odd rewriting/rereading this, considering that a year later I met my boyfriend and his nine year old sister... Tara... so now I read this story and I can't help but think of little Tara being a lesbian XP**

**Read and review. **


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